<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" standalone="yes"?><oembed><version><![CDATA[1.0]]></version><provider_name><![CDATA[The Dish]]></provider_name><provider_url><![CDATA[http://dish.andrewsullivan.com]]></provider_url><author_name><![CDATA[Andrew Sullivan]]></author_name><author_url><![CDATA[https://dish.andrewsullivan.com/author/sullydish/]]></author_url><title><![CDATA[&#8220;Love the Way You&nbsp;Lie&#8221;]]></title><type><![CDATA[link]]></type><html><![CDATA[
<p><object height="315" width="515"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uelHwf8o7_U?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><embed allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uelHwf8o7_U?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="515" /></object></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12px;"><em>by Conor Friedersdorf</em></span></p>
<p>The video above is quite popular, and generating some controversy in the blogosphere. Here&#39;s Joe Carter <a href="http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/2010/08/our-abusive-balladeers">denouncing it</a> at <em>First Things</em>, The Last Psychiatrist <a href="http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/08/love_the_way_you_lie_with_me.html">defending its message</a>, and Alyssa Rosenberg <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2010/07/rihanna-and-eminems-worst-impulses/60348/">panning it as art</a> elsewhere at <em>The Atlantic</em>.</p>
<p>I&#39;ve long been vexed by Eminem, a tremendous talent whose narrow range, stubborn repetition of theme and sub par album tracks caused me to steadily lose interest in his career. Imagine if Dave Eggers had written <em>A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius</em>, and then included extended laments about the premature death of his mother in 75 percent of all his subsequent writing. Beyond it being tiresome, we&#39;d all have missed out on the impeccably paced <em>You Shall Know Our Velocity</em>, <em>What is the What</em>, etc.&#0160;</p>
<p>So I credit Marshal Mathers with stretching himself somewhat here. Domestic violence isn&#39;t a new theme for him, exactly, but here we&#39;re at least confronting a different aspect of it: as The Last Psychiatrist puts it, &quot;The song isn&#39;t about Domestic Violence (capital letters, you are in the  presence of a construct) but about a kind of love that substitutes  magnitude of emotions for quality  of emotions.&quot; In the same blog post the author goes on to write:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Why does the song have to be about &quot;Domestic Violence&quot; anyway?&#0160; Why  can&#39;t it just be about two screwed up people, one of whom is a soccer  hooligan?&#0160; Because there are certain themes that are not allowed to be  merely depictions&#8211; they have to be about &quot;awareness&quot; and &quot;sending a  positive message.&quot;&#0160; Domestic violence is one of those things, and before  you say anything observe that homicide is not one of those things.&#0160;  Neither is adultery or cannibalism.&#0160; We choose our causes based on  something other than the cause.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Domestic violence is treated differently because its perpetrators <a href="http://classic.feministing.com/archives/021197.html">believe themselves to be engaging in normal behavior</a>, as do many of its victims. It&#39;s desirable to disabuse them of that notion, whereas no one thinks that homicide is normal or okay, cannibalism isn&#39;t even a societal problem, and adultery is hardly a problem comparable to any of those other things. </p>
<p>This isn&#39;t to say that domestic violence shouldn&#39;t ever be portrayed artistically. But the video above doesn&#39;t render the reality of mutually abusive relationships &#8212; doesn&#39;t help us access the truth about them &#8212; so much as it shamelessly romanticizes them. In a way, the problem is that the portrayal is insufficiently violent: a pretend world where punching through a wall doesn&#39;t hurt your hand, shattering a mirror doesn&#39;t cut you, drunken altercations that come to blows escalate only far enough to make the throws-of-passion sex that much hotter, and punching your girlfriend doesn&#39;t result in ever seeing her with a broken, bloodied nose or swollen black eye or concussion or worse. </p>
<p>While we&#39;re on this subject, I highly recommend <a href="http://obsidianwings.blogs.com/obsidian_wings/2009/04/why-do-they-stay.html">this post by Hilzoy</a>, who the blogosphere is still missing very much. </p>
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