That’s a serious question. Federal prosecutors allege that Hastert sexually abused at least four students while coaching wrestling at Yorkville High School in Illinois. He subsequently tried to cover up the molestation by paying the victims $3.5 million in hush money. No such luck, as the PATRIOT Act, which Hastert was indispensable in shepherding through Congress, alerted law enforcement officials to the payoffs.

George Bernard Shaw would be hard-pressed to create such delicious irony.

Liberals, seizing on the personal hypocrisy of a midwestern Republican leader, are going ape shit over Hastert’s alleged diddling of teenage boys. Mary Elizabeth Williams of Salon demands that “no pity” be given for the former Speaker. The comment sections of left-wing havens like Slate.com are littered with contempt and denunciations of Hastert’s perversion.

I honestly don’t understand how the Left can be so stinging in its criticism of Hastert. Aren’t we supposed to be accepting of the alternative sexual choices of others? Isn’t it bigoted to cast judgment upon those can’t help their sexual preference? And doesn’t social justice warriorism claim that men can’t be raped?

If Denny Hastert sexually abused male students in his role as a teacher and mentor, liberals have no reason to be incensed by his behavior. After all, it wasn’t conservatives who led the effort to rid sex of reasonable limits. Progressives started it, and, boy, do they intend to finish it.

The Left’s admiration for free-wheeling whoopee comes in many depraved forms. Whether it’s a father marrying his daughter, taxpayer-funded gender reassignment surgeries, a lesbian pool party in the desert, a eunuch feeling contrite over his refugee rapist being deported, or the rampant promiscuity in open gay “marriages,” there is nothing taboo in the liberal view of sex, as long as you sign on the dotted line.

Pop slut Miley Cyrus – who recently sexualized infancy with an erotic music video – is the poster girl for unhinged coitus. In an interview with Paper Magazine, she summed up the liberal sex ethic, telling the publication, “I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is of age.” Bisexual New York Times columnist Charles Blow praised Cyrus’ dissolute nihilism, calling the “casual, carefree-ness of the statements” both “charming and revolutionary.”

Clearly, liberals have no issue with pushing sexual boundaries. And in recent years a number of apologetics have popped up on lefty sites challenging modern society’s contempt of pedophilia.

Back in 2013, The Guardian ran a story questioning whether “paedophilic relations necessarily cause harm.” A year later, the New York Times published an op-ed by Rutgers associate professor Margo Kaplan decrying the criminalization of pedophilia. Citing websites like Virtuous Pedophiles, Kaplan urged readers to view pedophilia as “a disorder, not a crime.” The aforementioned Salon published an article last fall written by an admitted pedophile. The author confessed his unnatural desire but stated that he wasn’t a “monster” and asked readers to be “understanding and supportive.” The confessional was received warmly. One week after publication, he wrote a follow-up piece castigating the “vile right-wing hate machine” and thanking hundreds of pedo-friendly supporters.

When they aren’t inching the goal posts closer to legalized pederasty, the sex revolutionaries disregard plain instances of sexual assault on children. The Rotherham scandal, where over 1,000 girls were raped by Muslim men, received little condemnation by liberals. Pudgy actress and Hillary Clinton supporter Lena Dunham admitted to molesting her one-year-old little sister. No outrage there. Even the U.S. Army was ordered by the White House to ignore Afghan child predators.

The Left’s selective outrage over pedophilia combined with the multiple defenses of adolescent attraction shows just how deranged the liberal understanding of sex is. It begs the question of why Denny Hastert is being taken through the wringer for getting his rocks off with teenage boys in seedy motels. Why are his sexual needs being suppressed when lurid practices like fisting are glorified?

The answer is that liberals have no coherent reason for condemning pedophilia. Citing age, which is an objective standard imposed on the subjective concept of maturity, isn’t enough. When sex is nothing but a fun time activity, age isn’t a relevant factor. It’s not like progressives have any qualms with introducing sex to kindergartners.

As for the use of force against the innocent, leftists can bitch all they want about the importance of consent, but they don’t actually value non-aggression. If they’re a-OK forcing a Christian bakery to prepare a cake for a sodomitical wedding ceremony, they should be hunky-dory with grown men forcing themselves upon children. To the Left, violence isn’t deplorable. It’s a means to achieve their twisted ends. Just ask Stalin.

For us middle Americans not signed up for daily Jezebel headlines, Denny Hastert’s lewd violation of a few teenage boys is disgusting. But for the Left it should be praiseworthy. Hastert acted out his desires against the hateful bourgeoisie norms imposed upon his small midwestern town. He should be seen as the Che Guevara of the progressive war against the Christian view of sex. Instead, he’s being derided as another Podunk, inbred, white trash predator from the backwards part of America.

Soon enough, however, liberals will come around on pedophilia. They will have to accept the sexual attraction to prepubescents. It is the logical end of the road for an ideology built upon the “if it feels good, do it” ethos.

When the Supreme Court finally outlaws state bans against pederasty, Denny Hastert will be seen as a pioneer to our new, enlightened sexual culture. Christianity’s long fight for the human dignity of the poor and maltreated will be lost. We will regress back to the decadence of ancient Greece. Our understanding of sex as a sacred link between the past and the future will fade. NAMBLA will join Greenpeace and MoveOn.org as another piece of the progressive puzzle.

And it will all be thanks to a man who refused to be shackled by America’s small town morality. For the progressive community, Denny Hastert will be a hero. If he’s lucky, he might even be the subject of a major motion picture.