Little One: Well, she thinks she’s swag.

Son: Hearing that term makes me want to kick a puppy!!

Little One: What??

Momma: Excuse me??

Daddy: (laughing too hard to say anything intelligent here).

Kick a puppy?? Where do kids get this stuff? Certainly not from moi. Oh sure… I use several idioms and terms that would make people cringe, but never would I use “kick a puppy”!! I would sooner hang a perp by his toenails and make him feel the wrath of my machete than kick a puppy.

That’s just inhumane, y’all.