It’s that time of the year again, when grown men quake in fear of potential death. No, not influenza. I’m talking about shopping for a Christmas gift for their significant others. Personally, I don’t envy y’all. I have met the enemy and she is us. I know we can be difficult to shop for, but there are some guidelines that can help y’all avoid pitfalls.

With the current weather, y’all do NOT want to be in the doghouse.

Thank goodness my name isn’t Joy.

Gifts to Avoid

#5– Electric knife

Seriously, you want to give her something to make dismembering you THAT much easier??

#4– Holiday themed clothing

It’s a nice sentiment, but she unwraps it the last day she can wear it and then has to put it away for eleven months until she can wear it again? That’s just torture. As a bonus, see the potential risk displayed in the photo above.

#3– Pets

As adorable as it would be, most people wish to pick out their own, just as pets like to pick out their humans.

#2– Housekeeping appliances

It’s ok to bring home a Roomba™ any time of the year while telling her that you think she needs time for herself. It is NOT ok to have it under the tree without explanation.

#1– Gym membership

If you do get this for her, at least be considerate and get a cemetery plot for yourself as well.

Remember, these are guidelines. Your significant other’s mileage may vary.

Mine does not 😉