Obligatory ingredients (PRE-used-by-date) shot:

1. Buncha eggs.
2. Cherry tomotoes
3. Mushyrooms
4. Crusty fancy bread
5. Butter (not to be mistaken for Butters)
6. Cheese (I chose Swiss, but feel free to go German, Chinese, Spanish-Thai – this is a multicultural recipe)
7. Cream (If you’re vego like me, look out for creams with gelatine in them)

Grab some fruity tomatoes.

Now quarter and slaughter them as though they KILLED ALL THE CATS IN THE WORLD.
But then they apologized and bought you chocolate, so you give them a lesser punishment and merely quarter them.

Add salt n’ pepa and cook them on medium heat until their blood starts to clot on the bottom of the pan. Divide onto warm plates whilst killing cooking other ingredients.

Aren’t these salt and pepper shakers adorable? I want me some cuddles.

Slice up some onions whilst wearing all sorts of ridiculous devices to stop you from tearing. Like goggles designed by Google, chewing gum clinging to your nostrils and Buzz Aldrin’s astronaut suit.

Toss the onions and slice mushrooms into the pan (w/ oil on medium-high heat).

Saute like a Frenchman!

In a bowl, beat (in-a-non-abusive-manner) a few eggs, salt+pepper and dash of cream. UNTIL IT FROTTHHHSS.

Pour into lightly-oiled pan on medium to medium-low heat. When the edges begin to set, push the mixture from the outskirts to the middle, scrapping the bottom. This will looks like the folds of your grandma’s chin, giving the ‘scrambled’ effect!

THICKLY cut your bread, narrowly avoiding your fingers and a trip to the hospital.

Bread in pan.

Slice cheese to fit bread. Do not eat cheese. Yet.

Toast. Do you like cheese?

Combine all items in inventory. Now FEAST ON YOUR CREATION!