Once again another birthday came and went and I got nothing. I don’t know what everyone’s problem is, but I’m getting a little sick of my son having a birthday and no one getting me any presents. It’s kind of selfish that everyone pays attention to him and not me all day. I mean they drew pictures of him at school, they showered him with praise and adoration and my folks call MY cell phone and didn’t even want to talk to ME. What kind of prideful, self centered person wants to have a whole day centered on them? What kind of person wants to take the attention off me, even for one second, to celebrate how humble and great I am? Talk about a spoiled brat. I should send him to his room right now, but he selfishly went to school, just to avoid punishment I guess. While he leaves me at home to play video games and watch Netflix all day. Some people I swear. All I have to say is he better not hijack Christmas or I’m not going to let him go to my work again and do my job again.

Please…

…no more autographs.

Alright, seriously…

…if you want to throw down, we can go. 

Alright you know…

…I’m kind of phoning it in today. 

Alright, now I’m getting a little sick of…

…your chariot cases.

Okay, you dudes over there…

…need to make up your minds and stop teetering around. 

And if you don’t quit fooling around…

…I will bury you. 

Alright, this birthday is turning out…

…to be a big waste…basket. 

Before it gets to be too big of a disaster…

…let’s make sure it doesn’t jump the dolphin. 

If you do end up jumping the shark…

…make sure you do it with s-tile.

Just stop being such a party pooper…

…because you are so off balance…

Seriously…

…you need to start stepping UP your game…

Or you are going…

…get smoked.

Alright, well, I’m going to go pout in the corner and be bitterly upset all day because of the lack of gifts and non attention I got all day yesterday and you all can go to your rooms and think about how sorry you should be and what you are going to do to make up for your clear misunderstanding about how much you should be paying attention to me on other people’s attention. Or at least paying me. Geesh.

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Bad Birthday Celebration Ben