Nope. I know what you are thinking. This has nothing to do with Viley Mirus. I’m talking about those big balls of forged steel that take down brick structures faster than a pig can run all the way home. I have one of those and he can ruin a house faster than a greased sled. Not only can he destroy property like a hot knife can destroy cream cheese, but he does heavy damage to my wallet every time we leave the house. Or stay at home. Or don’t do anything at all. You know what else is good at wrecking things like forged steel? This blog with the endless terrible metaphors or similies or whatever it is that I was trying to attempt to do. So here is just another way to destroy your Friday.

Dude is neither Superman…

…nor a ballerina.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks…

…or keep him entertained very long.

You can introduce all kinds of drama to this guy…

…but nothing is more important than that pizza.

I tried to be competitive at Jenga with this girl…

…but she whipped me.

And I tried to bottle flip with the best…

…but they smoked me.

I tried to race this guy…

…but we ended up in a tie…fight.

I tried to race this guy…

…but he was the drift king…

And racing this guy…

…I felt like I was in alien territory.

And try to compete with this guy…

…who conducted himself like a gentleman.

And this kid…

…didn’t need to flip out just because he lost..

Wendy Burch was live in downtown LA…

…reporting on ahahahhahaahah

And she went next to…

…Hairison Ford.

Well, that’s the soul crushing news once again. Now back to your depressing life. Hope your Friday was ruined completely!