Yesterday I learned that roller skating still exists. I thought it was just a bitter part of my youth. When I was the biggest dork in class (only that last 44 years or so) roller skating was the thing to do for school parties. When I first started skating I was pretty good at nasty falls, landing on my rumpus, and embarrassing myself in front on the girl I had a crush on at the moment. Then I got better and skating disappeared. And when it disappeared, I thought it was gone forever. It did for a while, but then the roller blade thing came back, and then I thought they disappeared again. Now they let all the things on the rink, including scooters. I was kind of glad it came back though, because I was hoping I would capture some nasty falls on camera for my gifture film company, but there were very few falls, and when there were, of course I was not filming. Arrrghhh, I guess these giftures will just have to do.

This is one time…

…you don’t mess with the refs.

And this not how you fight…

…no giggling involved with fighting.

And good thing we didn’t put these geniuses…

…in charge of photography.

It wasn’t ice skating…

…but it would have been great to capture more falls like this last night.

Have you ever seen the game Lemmings…

…yeah, neither have I.

Now that is how you quarterback…

…especially in the fall.

If you’re going to bring down the stage…

…this is how you do it.

At a teen dance…

…when one of the boys finally gets brave enough to ask one of the girls to dance.

Why couldn’t I capture…

…such beautiful falls at the skating rink last night?

Hey guys…

…can I at least get a high five?

Why do you think…

…they call it an alley oop?

Cool trick bro…

…I love how you ran into the pole so well.

Until next time…may your skates tangle you up for a great fall, may your alley only oop, may your fall not only happen in the autumn but all year long.

ARRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Skater Hater Ben