So, you got a new job– congratulations! Now, the question is, how do you go in and crush it? I’m here to tell you how in a few easy steps. Follow these steps, and you’ll be sure to kick some new-job ass.

STEP 1: Arrive early

I know, this one seems obvious. Of course, you don’t want to be late, but you need to beearlyearly, like sit-and-wait-in-your-car-for-twenty-minutes early, especially on your very first day.

This gives you plenty of time to increase your anxiety ten-fold. By the time you walk in the door, your hands should be shaking, and your stomach should be doing flip-flops.

If you feel like you may vomit, you’ve done it correctly.

STEP 2: Eat lunch alone

You had plenty of friends at your old job, right? Plenty of inside jokes and understood facial expressions? Well, not anymore!

You’ll eat lunch by yourself; simultaneously…