As we all know, I am about as subtle as a hammer. I have no skills in the art of subtlery. I would make a really bad spy because I would be sneaking up behind some thug that I was supposed to off, and I would of course have my tap shoes on and then I would trip and knock over a few glass pots, get some shards of glass in my arms and legs, scream out in pain and alert the bad guy. Of course, it would work out like Clouseau where I would get the thug, despite how bad I bungled things. Then I would get awards and probably drop them and make my supervisor even madder. Anyways, so subtlety is my forte. But Friday Giftures are…so here we go.

This is how you…

…swing into the weekend.

No little kid…

…gets away with punching me.

Or escapes…

…my range.

In that case…

…no old guy gets away from my revenge either.

They can try to run…

…but they can’t hide.

They can try to jump…

…but they will get flattened.

They can even try to drive away…

…but they will go through the front glass. 

They can try to escape by train…

…but they will fail.

They can try to escape by horse…

…but they won’t get away, of course.

They can try to run down the stairs…

…but you know, no one will care.

They can try to run away by bike…

…but I’m not the biggest van of that.

They can try to run away by pool…

…but you know that isn’t cool.

Let’s just say that it isn’t useful to try to run from me. First, because that isn’t very nice, because I’m not a big fan of running. Bad on my knees, terrible on my breathing apparatuses, and just time consuming, taking way too much time from my lazy naps on the couch. So just don’t do it, cause these things will happen to you, and I will have my gifture camera ready to strike.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Funesse Ben