I’ve never been big into the spooky part of Halloween. I will occasionally visit a haunted house or watch a scary movie, but they don’t really define the season for me. It isn’t those corn mazes or pumpkins that seem to pop up overnight in every field, henhouse, doghouse, and backyard. It isn’t the pumpkin spice everything that is more prevalent than corn mazes either.  Nope, the thing defines the season for me is candy.

I love when my kids go trick or treating and bring back sacks full of candy for me to raid. I’m 9 out of 10 dentists recommend that I don’t eat all their candy, but I can just floss a little more and they will never know. HAHAHAHAHAHA (in the Vincent Price voice from Micheal Jackson’s Thriller).

In other news, I have a really short but spooky story for you. As a guy who doesn’t really like kids, even his own that much, I had a babysitting gig. Well, not me, but my wife. She volunteered to watch our Great Niece and I just happened to be in the room. She occasionally had to hand the baby thing to me and I had to figure out how to make it stop crying and make my back cry even less. Suffice it to say, it was really spooky; for me and the baby. I think she was returned in one piece, though a little stinkier and less than stellar shape. What’s worse is my back feels bad. More about me, here are the Bitter Friday Giftures:

This guy…

…didn’t have a ghost of a chance.

This is how I move…

…in the morning too.

I feel this guy’s pain…

…I have anger management issues too.

My favorite…

…meal in October.

Carving pumpkins…

…without a sharp knife is scary.

I hate it when I get stuck…

…inside my car seat.

Or wear the wrong costume…

…to a party.

Some people…

…are just a little too into pumpkin spice.

And others get just a little…

…too much into character.

Transformers…

…roll out.

Thankfully…

…the pumpkin will wear off eventually.

Would that be…

…such a shame?

Hopefully things won’t get too much more spooky for you from here on out. This time of year kind of gets to be a speed round of holidays and it’s hard to keep up. Thankfully as an old dude, I just kind of sleep through most of it anyways. Just don’t let your kids be babysat by me. Or I might accidentally sit on them.

ARRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Spooky Story Ben