Today is one of the days that you either dread or love. It seems like there is no in-between. If you happen to work at Walmart, Target, Amazon, or another megastore, I assume you’ve been dreading this day, neh, season for some time now. You finished your turkey and then said, “Off to work I go, I’ll see you all in January if I even survive the trampling!”

Actually, I know that the stores will be busier, no doubt, but back in my day, when I was young like all of you, was the real heyday of Black Friday. We didn’t have stores open Thanksgiving night, so if you wanted to go to a sale, you had to camp out. If you wanted a doorbuster, you had to fight for it. And there was no Amazon as a backup plan. My first and last Black Friday experience involved a cheap scooter that was 3 years past its prime, a few pushy people, and a display that came crashing down. I barely escaped with my life. To help comfort those who dread the Black Friday experience, here are some Bitter Friday Giftures for you:

Time to spend some good quality time…

…throwing up some decorations. 

Maybe a good time to…

…wrap some presents. 

The holidays are all about…

…getting together with your closest enemies and rioting.

This may or may not have actually…

…happened to me. 

Make sure you…

…help your kids with the wrapping.

You might need to assist some kids…

…putting up the tree. 

If only…

…it was this easy for everyone. 

Instead of…

…like this. 

It’s also pretty frustrating…

…wrapping all those presents.

Don’t worry if this is…

…how much effort you put in though…

Because…

…these are the ungrateful cretins you are doing it for.

And this is how they will…

…appreciate your hard work. 

Let the holiday bitterness begin!

ARRRRRRGGHGHHGHHGHG

Bitter Look Like Turkeys Ben