I thank You, God

For granting an audience

To someone as weak and insignificant as me

I kneel before You

In a futile attempt

To right a millenia of wrongs committed against You

I represent a group of people

Totally unworthy, fully undeserving

Completely unaware and oblivious of their need for me to be here

If the court stenographer will read back the testimony

It will be made clear

That time and time again You have born the brunt

Of false testimony, claiming You were the guilty party

For all manner of unspeakable acts of evil

Disease, Death, War and Famine

All thrown accusingly at You

Accompanied by a menacing, pointing finger

And the strangled screams of, “Why?”

In fact, how often have I been there

Part of the crowd

Adding my voice to the throng?

Or even just the lack of it?

A silent accusation off to the side

Taking it all in

But making no real attempt to voice an objection

Or run to Your defence

“Sometimes the cries were just SO loud.”

But taking out some time

To build up a case

I have been forced into an encounter

Coming face to face with who You really are

Looking beyond the weak Hollywood interpretations

Cartoon caricatures; comical characterisations

Even moving past the weak and off-putting representatives

You have dirtying Your name here down on earth

I finally start to catch a glimpse of the You behind the scenes…

And I know!

September 11 – You were there!

WWII Nazi death camps – You were there!

And in Ethiopia where a vulture picks at a rotting child!

And in Hillbrow as another mugging takes place!

In the belly of the Titanic!

In the local AIDS clinic as yet another baby dies!

Your alibi is shattered!

I have seen Your character. I have tasted who You are.

There is conclusive, overwhelming proof

That YOU, WERE, THERE!!!

…and finally, I see it…

…something I should have known all along…

You couldn’t not be there!!

When that fatal shot is fired; at the moment of impact;

another suicide bomber snatching the lives of those around him.

So You stand in the midst of it all

Taking it all in…

Taking it all on!

You hurt…

You bleed…

Your heart breaks even before the family and the friends whose will follow…

You picked up the battered and twisted bodies

Welcoming some of them home.

You screamed at the horror

The violence!

The pure, unadulterated evil of it all.

You screamed!!!

You wept…

You weep!

And as I stand by the grave side

And watch as they lay my person to rest

And ask, “How could you, God, how could you?”

“How could you take this person from me?”

Suddenly it sinks in

Finally hits home

I start to ‘get’ it

One person I loved with all my heart

One more person You love with all Yours

Another one.

And another.

And another.

And another.

And one more.

Because You have to stand here every day.

And another.

Watching the ultimate consequence of sin.

And another.

Something that should never have happened.

And another.

Who do You get to shout at?

And another.

Where do You point Your accusing finger?

And one more.

God…

“I am sorry!”

I know that can’t mean much.

Doesn’t even begin to start.

But, “I’m Sorry..!”

It’s been true all along,

I know not what I do…

]]>