pride. definitely. or maybe defiantly. definitively?

what do they think of me? what don’t they think of me? what should they think of me? what do i want them to think of me? i can’t believe they… i can’t believe she didn’t… why doesn’t anyone… don’t they know that i… don’t they see that i…

it is loving God
it is loving people

selfishness. defiantly so. or deftly?

it’s all about meeeeeeee……Jeesussssss
and all this is for meeeeee… for my glory and my fame
it’s not about youuuuuuu… i want you to do things My wayyyyyy
i am my own God and i surrenderrrrrr… to no-one’s ways…..

iwant. ideserve. i ‘need’. imusthave.

stuff. toys. things. people. attention. space. a stage. a platform. recognition.

my time. my space. my ministry. my calling.

but if i… then i won’t be able to…
but if you… then i won’t be able to…
but if i… then i will never…
but if you… then i can’t afford to…

as my friend mugabe (no relation) used to say, “if Jesus is on the throne in my life then i must be on the cross, but if i am on the throne then that relegates Jesus to the cross”

whose life is it anyway?
a me-centered universe will never leave space for a loving God, loving people lifestyle
it has to be Jesus-centered
pride and selfishness need to die (to “go to hell!” where they deserve to languish)

my church
a preach that i must get something out of
worship that must give me the feeling, the experience
my ministry
my salvation
my personal walk with God

my my indeed

it is about loving God.
and loving people.