<![CDATA[catflap man, catflap man… he does anything except…]]>so two nites ago we get a knock on our security complex apartment door at around 9.30pm and so being the nice friendly neighbourly guy i am i go and open it and it’s not nice to call someone a weirdo on first impression so i feel unable to describe to you the person who was outside the door [strange, cos usually an unexpected knock that late at nite at our complex means they’ve pulled another wheel clamping on us but i quickly went through an inventory of our cars and unless she broke into our garage to clamp my car…]

“um hi, i’m from lower die rand [name of our complex – we are upper die rand so kinda a whole different complex – we are kinda in the middle of a row of apartments in the middle of the complex so not your likeliest first apartment door knock you would have thort… but only if you were a sane person] and i’m looking for some help cos i can’t get my cat to go through the cat flap and do you know how to make a cat go through a cat flap?”

wo, really? could this be an encounter with the legendary catflap man?

CATFLAP MAN, CATFLAP MAN
HE CAN DO ANYTHING A CATFLAP-MAN CAN DO
WAIT A SEC, NO HE CAN’T
HE CAN’T EVEN DO THE BASICEST THING ONE WOULD ASSOCIATE WITH A GUY CALLED CAT FLAP MAN
LOOK OUT, HERE COMES NON CATFLAP MAN…

i kid you not. now being friendly neighborhood nice guy type of guy i just think this is a little weird and i look in at val who is sitting on the couch and she is mouthing “No!” and shaking her head vigorously… and so instantly i go from ‘weird guy with cat flap problem’ to ‘hardcore serial killer with a really flimsy back story come to beat us to death with a domestic animal’ and as i peer down (it’s amazing what a rush of paranoia can do) it now seems like he quite possibly could be trying to have stucken his foot a little bit in the doorway ready to jam it in as i try and close it.

a huge war wages (instantly altho it seemed like for minutes with hardcore slow mo jedi-like moves and counter moves and strikes and counter attempts at strikes) between friendly neighborhood guy and wife-injected-paranoia freak…

i managed to kinda strike a balance between the two and so a hurried “i’m not the catflap engineering genius i may have appeared to you to have been upon initial glance” kind of apology and door close finished off the ordeal.

had i been a more neighborly guy you possibly could have found me at 10.30pm on friday nite down in lower die rand trying to help a new friend jam cats through a cat flap using enticement, threatening, subterfuge or sarcasm (who knows with cats? sarcatsm perhaps…)

but it seemed like more of a job for CATFLAP MAN…

so if there’s something strange, and your cat’s no good
who you gonna call? CATFLAP MAN
cos you installed a flap, but Mr Tibbs just stood
who you gonna call? CATFLAP MAN…

]]>