“I imagine it must be fairly awkward when the slow dance music starts playing at a Smurf club.” [brett andy]

“I think if aliens ever invaded our planet and spoke a kind of English we could understand, it would be quite awkward if their word for ‘probe’ sounded like our word for ‘hug.’ [brett andy]

“I think a great horror movie would be one where a killer is running rampant in a mime college. Cos if you’re caught screaming you fail instantly and have to repeat the whole year again and are the exhorbitant school fees really worth it?” [brett andy]

“To me bungee-jumping is nothing more than leaping from a height while secured by a long nylon-cased rubber band from the ankles.” [brett andy]

“Michael Schumacher. Margaret Thatcher. Martin Luther. Imagine a world where you were forced into the occupation your last name dictated.” [brett andy]

“I had a flea circus once and the fleas were insanely talented in a whole variety of different acts. But it was the neighbour’s dog who stole the show.” [brett andy]

“Do you think it was by accident that ‘desert’ and ‘dessert’ are spelled one letter differently? I don’t think so. Someone with a brain obviously realised the unnecessary confusion that would have resulted if they had both been spelled exactly the same.” [brett andy]

“If you could send a vacuum cleaner into a black hole in the middle of space, I imagine they’d have a lot to talk about.” [brett andy]

“Since hardly anyone has ever had contact with this snowman creature, where do we get the idea that he is so abominable?” [brett andy]

“I started a business designing and manufacturing shoes for circus clowns using the lead from discarded pencils. But I had to stop once I was made aware of the huge carbon footprint I was creating.” [brett andy]

[if you’re on Twitter you can follow brett_andy for the shorter ones and if you want to see the ones you missed so far then click here or here but not here]