and try for a moment to be still

and to focus on You

i am reminded of the Truth that You are SO BIG

and i am so very small

it feels like there has been such a great distance between us

You and me

and I know for absolutely sure that none of that is because You have stepped away

i have just felt lost and alone and meaningless and trapped

and i am so grateful for this season of Lent which is upon us

an opportunity to return to the closeness of an intimate relationship with You

as i sit in the quiet life space of a cold front step

i hear a tiny bird in the distance

the sound of a car accelerating at speed

the noises from across the street of people working late into the evening

a cough

and the engine of a returning housemate

the sounds do not detract from the still

i am being still

and i am knowing

that You are God

and that You are good

So very good.

and i feel myself slowly returning to the closeness of You

through words of love and affirmation from friends and work colleagues

through the opportunity of a preach

through an early morning of hot drinks, conversation and bible-reading with a friend

the call to others to join me in a season of Lent observance

the tragic but beautiful story of a stranger sharing about the loss of her new born baby

the love-filled recounting of the death of a precious family member sent in an email

the opportunity to send words of prayer through the internet to a friend in need of hope

and the ridiculousness of a house filled with active adventure making Lego men (and now women)

and now the silence and the sounds of being alone on a step…

yet completely not alone too

because i know yet again that You are near

i sense Your presence and Your deep Love waiting to fully embrace me

to remind me once more how You have never stopped or given up on me

or failed to believe and know that i’d return…

And so here i am.

Both fearful and expectant about the future.

About plans needing to be made and paths discovered.

Choices to be discerned and decided upon. Costs to be counted.

And a hundred other things.

Which will happen. In time.

But not right now.

For now is the time to be still and simply know

And appreciate and believe and trust and hope

That You are God.

You love me.

You will continue to use me.

And so it is perfectly okay for me

In this moment

Right now.

To just be still.

Thank you, Father.

i will always love you.

And find ways of giving myself to You.

Help me to know Your path.

And keep me strong.

i cannot do this without You.