<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" standalone="yes"?><oembed><version><![CDATA[1.0]]></version><provider_name><![CDATA[A Life in Libraries]]></provider_name><provider_url><![CDATA[https://cherylbecker.wordpress.com]]></provider_url><author_name><![CDATA[cbecker53]]></author_name><author_url><![CDATA[https://cherylbecker.wordpress.com/author/cbecker53/]]></author_url><title><![CDATA[Tears?]]></title><type><![CDATA[link]]></type><html><![CDATA[<p>So we recently talked about being <a href="https://cherylbecker.wordpress.com/2016/12/09/new-to-management/" target="_blank">new to management</a>. Today we talk about what to do when as a new (or not so new!) manager you give feedback that results in tears, anger, or gossip. <a href="https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png"><img loading="lazy" data-attachment-id="7187" data-permalink="https://cherylbecker.wordpress.com/2016/12/13/tears/face-crying-800px/" data-orig-file="https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png" data-orig-size="800,800" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}" data-image-title="face-crying-800px" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-medium-file="https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png?w=300" data-large-file="https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png?w=800" class="wp-image-7187 aligncenter" src="https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png?w=187&#038;h=187" alt="face-crying-800px" width="187" height="187" srcset="https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png?w=187&amp;h=187 187w, https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png?w=374&amp;h=374 374w, https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png?w=150&amp;h=150 150w, https://cherylbecker.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/face-crying-800px.png?w=300&amp;h=300 300w" sizes="(max-width: 187px) 100vw, 187px" /></a><!--more-->Yes, tears, anger and gossip. You wouldn&#8217;t think you&#8217;d typically see these in a professional setting would you? But we do, sometimes more than others.</p>
<p>Sometimes we have to give our employees hard feedback, in an effort to help them improve. When our feedback is met with tears or other non-productive response, I think a normal reaction is to back off. Of course, that is just what we should <em>not</em> do.  Luckily, there are some tips in <a href="https://leadershipfreak.blog/2016/10/08/solution-saturday-crying-anger-and-gossip/" target="_blank">Solution Saturday: Crying, Anger, and Gossip</a>. (from Leadership Freak)</p>
<p>You&#8217;ll want to read the whole post, but here are some favorite bits:</p>
<blockquote>
<ul>
<li>Don’t give feedback if you don’t care. Always let people know they’re important and you believe in them.</li>
<li>Manipulative tears are attempts to short-circuit the process. Stay focused on serving their highest good and press forward. Say, “This seems like a painful issue for you, but I believe it’s important. We need to press through.”</li>
<li>Tears from the tender-hearted suggest tenderness from you. Use a hammer with the hard-headed. A feather works with a tender heart.</li>
<li>The worst thing you can do is get sucked into someone’s anger.</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<p>Good luck!</p>
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