I just had my first major relationship come to a depressing end. Normally, I wouldn’t be writing about in here; I had made a distinct mental effort to try to not let my personal life superimpose onto this blog. That’s what my livejournal is for. But I decided I should make exceptions when I want to comment on my behavior being more human than I would like.

You see, being in love, is lot like being a drug addict. Literally. Brain scans of people reportedly “in love” show heightened activity in areas that correlate to those of people on drugs. Informational article here: http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html

I think I have to admit: I’m an oxytocin and vasopressin junkie. Romantic human interaction produces palpable changes in the brain, and I’ve felt them for the last year of my life, the year I wasn’t single.

The break up may have been particularly hard on me because I’m clinically depressed but untreated– I’m one of those X million Americans without health insurance–so the “feel-good” chemicals associated with love became akin to a drug hit. I was, and unfortunately remain, quite addicted to my boyfriend.

Intellectually, I am not an emotional person. My emotional responses disagree. My actions are often nothing like I plan them out to be in my head. This discrepancy has been one of the worst truths in my life and created internal turmoil you wouldn’t belief.

As I begin my “love withdrawal” I find that I have a better understanding of not only myself, but of the relationships of those around me. When I was younger, I couldn’t logically fathom why people acted the way they do. And now I have experienced and realized: the reasons are often biological in basis.