I do however, have an answer to a fundamental question of life that has been plaguing my brain for all of five minutes:  What is the difference between a gopher and a groundhog?

Wikianswers knows it all:

“Groundhogs are larger than gophers and have stronger forepaws and bodies. They’re avid swimmers; gophers aren’t exactly water-bound and sometimes drowning and flooding their tunnels is used as a means of exterminating them, unfortunately and very inhumanely.

Groundhogs measure about fifteen to twenty-five inches in length and weigh between four and nine pounds, but can, if they live long enough, grow to be as heavy as thirty pounds.

Gophers (pocket gophers, the “true” gophers, called this because of the food-storage pouches in their cheeks) are smaller and measure anywhere from four to twelve inches in length, and weigh as little as three centigrams (three-hundred grams or so) or as much as two pounds and change (about a kilogram).

Groundhogs hibernate; gophers don’t. Groundhogs swim; gophers don’t (at least not very well).”

If I’m ever drowning and need a large rodent to save me, I will make sure to count on the groundhog.

Here’s the answer to another fundmental question of life.

Q:   How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A:  A woodchuck would CHUCK NORRIS!