Mitt Romney holding an invisible baby.

Newt Gingrich: “I’m a Democrat tonight!”

Rick Perry: “Fuck Mitt Romney.  (And the Mexicans. Execute them all.)”

Mitt Romney: “Don’t listen to Rick Perry.  Massachusetts is special.”

Rick Santorum:  “I’m sorry.  My mouth is too full of fecal matter to make a difference.”

Ron Paul:  “The free market will always give it to me better than Rick Santorum.”

Herman Cain: “I would have good talking points, if only the audience didn’t want to lynch me.”

Jon Huntsman: “I’m above these partisan politics.  Not.”

Michelle Bachmann: “Stop stealing my thunder!”

Everybody: “Barack Obama is a failure and socialist!  Lower taxes!  I will suck the embalmed cock of Ronald Reagan!”

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You’re welcome.

For the real debate, watch it on Politico or read the full transcript from NYT.