There is a mystery and mystique surrounding royalty. It seems that the public can never get enough inside information about those who were fortunate enough to be born into the highest class of privilege. Members of the royal family recognize that they must navigate a very narrow path between their roles as public figures and their need to have private lives.
Most of the public accepts the fact there are certain aspects of the life of a royal that should remain private. Others, however, view any effort at guarding one’s privacy as proof that there is something to hide. As a result, some fascinating theories have arisen about the members of the British royal family. Under the theory of, “I found it on the internet, so it has to be true,” we offer some insight into some of our favorite royal conspiracy theories.
When the crown was placed on her head at her coronation in 1953, those in attendance proclaimed, “Long live the Queen!” According to a growing movement in the internet community, those well wishes were unnecessary. If there’s one thing Her Majesty doesn’t have to worry about, it is death.
The current monarch of the United Kingdom and Ireland is 94 years old as of this writing. Despite being 30 years beyond the typical retirement age in western democracies, she shows little signs of slowing down. Her work ethic, energy level, and persistence are a reflection of the best of the British spirit.
It might also have something to do with being older than the kingdom she governs. Type the words “Queen Elizabeth immortal” into a search engine, and you will be regaled with countless memes suggesting that the Queen was there when the White Cliffs of Dover were formed and will still be watching as time causes them to crumble into the sea.
The Queen’s supposed immortality may have something to do with another aspect of her existence that has been carefully covered up. She is, evidently, a reptile from outer space.
The theory that reptilian shape-shifters have infiltrated the highest levels of human government has been documented in this Commonplace Fun Facts article.
In his book The Biggest Secret: The Book that Will Change the World, former BBC sports reporter David Icke reveals that Queen Elizabeth II is one of those lizard-like creatures who has managed to work her way into a position of power. He says she is a member of the “Annunaki,” a band of reptilians who are responsible for the Holocaust, the September 11 attacks, and any number of other ills. More recently, Icke pointed his finger toward the global reptilian insurgency as the cause for most of the problems related to the COVID-19 pandemic.
In a BBC interview captioned “Lizards in Buckingham Palace,” Icke claims his theories are backed up “by hard factual information.” That’s a relief. We were starting to think it might be the ravings of an insane lunatic.
If the thought of Her Majesty having unrelenting, if not immortal, energy as a result of being an alien lizard is too far-fetched for you, you aren’t alone. Philosopher Hubert Humdinger scoffs at such notions, pointing to the obvious explanation for her vigor: the Queen is a cannibal.
Humdinger came to this conclusion in 1973 (long before the internet, by the way), in an article for We Royalty magazine. Humdinger called the Queen “violently vibrant” and “packed with more energy than the sun”. He said it at a small dinner party, and nobody in attendance remembers that he did, except for him. Humdinger also offered his analysis in 1973 about how the Queen could be so energetic. “She must eat human flesh,” he wrote bluntly in an article for We Royalty magazine, “to be so vivacious. There is an immense amount of spiritual energy in human muscle.”
Curiously, it wasn’t Humdinger’s theory about the Queen’s youthfulness that did the most damage to his reputation. Things really went south for him when he suggested that the singer Madonna is the Whore of Babylon and that she, too, she start feasting on human flesh if she wanted to have a youthful, shiny countenance.
Editor’s Note: There is much about this that is doubtful. (Aside from whether the Queen is actually a flesh-eating sociopath, that is). For one thing, citing anyone whose last name is “Humdinger” immediately puts us on notice. Secondly, despite our best efforts at trying to find the originally published 1973 article in We Royalty magazine, not only were we unable to locate it, but we can’t even confirm that there was ever a magazine published under the title We Royalty. The internet is, however, awash with assertions that Humdinger did, indeed, make the claim. Most of the articles point back to this website. Of course, it is entirely possible that the Queen swallowed up the original magazine, along with the writer, before daintily wiping her immortal reptilian lips.
Assuming, for the sake of argument, that the Queen is immortal, it hardly stands to reason that she would be content with an ordinary human to be her consort, does it? It should not be surprising, therefore, to learn that there are some who believe Prince Philip is divine and worthy of worship.
The Prince Philip Movement began with the Kastom people on the southern island of Tanna in Vanuatu. These members of the Yaohnanen tribe hold to a long-standing legend of the son of a mountain spirit who traveled over the seas to a distant land. There, he married a powerful woman and in time would return to them.
Unquestionably, the Duke of Edinburgh married a powerful (and possibly immortal, flesh-eating lizard) woman. When the royal couple visited Vanuatu in 1974, the idea that Philip was the son of the mountain spirit just seemed to make sense.
Chief Jack Naiva, a respected warrior in the culture, greeted the royal yacht and caught sight of Philip on board. “I saw him standing on the deck in his white uniform,” Naiva once said. “I knew then that he was the [one we’ve been waiting for.]”
True believers assign large world movements to the machinations of Philip. They once claimed his powers had enabled a black man to become president of the United States and that his “magic” had assisted in helping locate Osama bin Laden. The community has corresponded with Buckingham Palace and even sent Philip a nal-nal, a traditional club for killing pigs, as a token of its appreciation. In return, he sent a portrait in which he’s holding the gift.
The Doctor Who episode “Tooth and Claw” raised the possibility that the descendants of Queen Victoria might become werewolves. This is preposterous, some claim, because the future king is actually a vampire.
In 2011, Prince Charles promoted a television show inspired by his fascination and interest in Romania’s Transylvania. In it, he noted that he is descended from the 15th-century Romanian prince, Vlad the Impaler, who was the inspiration behind Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
If you believe the Queen is a cannibal, it is no stretch of the imagination to conclude that her son has a taste for human blood. The fact that he owns a home in Transylvania only cements the evidence that he walks the night, seeking unsuspecting necks to bite.
Those who hold to another theory, that the son of Queen Victoria, Prince Albert Victor, was, in reality, Jack the Ripper, would not be surprised that the royal family’s taste for human blood occasionally manifests itself in less-than-proper ways.
Of course, it is entirely possible that the vampiric claims about Charles’ relationship to Vlad the Impaler are all poppycock. He may simply have a peculiar affinity for human flesh, having been born to an immortal, alien, flesh-eating reptile and a divine son of a mountain spirit.
Then again, it’s entirely possible that the internet may be full of stories that are pure hokum. We’ll leave it to you to form your own conclusions.