Cross stitch pattern of “They Them” using the colors of the non-binary flag. Download the PDF here: Nonbinary They Them Pattern

Grid Size: 77W x 102H
Design Area: 5.36″ x 7.14″ (75 x 100 stitches)
Colors: 4

I usually put a story here about one of my patrons. I always use They/Them pronouns in the story, because even if you have a traditionally gendered name, I can’t be certain of how you identify, so all my patrons are they.

Nonbinary is a really vague gender identity and the more I dig into it, the more complex it becomes. At first I thought you had to go by they pronouns to be nonbinary, but as I actually meet and interact with more nonbinary people, a lot of them go by she/they or he/they. Actually, now that I think of it, there are a lot more she/theys than he/theys at my pride center. It may be a coincidence, but I think it might be because the community really encourages trans women more than trans men and maybe that’s bleeding over into the nonbinary community? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because we already have a lot of feminine nonbinaries in the group and then that just attracts more of the same?

Being nonbinary is something I find hard to grapple with. I still haven’t decided if I want to go by they or not. Demigirl isn’t a very well known term even among pride people, and I’m still not sure if they really fits what I’m feeling. Like, historically there was this big push to expand what femininity meant with Rosie the Riveter, tomboys, and career women, and now I’m wondering if I’m actually in the middle or is woman such a broader term than man that I’m actually still just a woman who happens to feel more comfortable with a short haircut and hairy legs? All this nonbinary stuff can make me think screw it, I’m just agender now!

And sometimes, it’s not that I like masculine things so much that I want to be a man, but rather I feel so uncomfortable with feminine things that it makes me feel like I don’t belong.

I wore a dress for my friend’s wedding, and that was fine, but the whole time I kind of felt like I was wearing a costume. At the time I just assumed it was because formal wear is like that, but now I’m not so sure, and I’m definitely not sure if I would have felt any better wearing a tux.

I’m lucky though, because I have people who support me and places I can go where it doesn’t matter. If you ever stitch this, I hope you can display it knowing that you’re loved too.