I’m ready for this month to be over because it wasn’t a great one for me, at least, that is what I say in my head. While doing the Youtube stuff for today’s video I needed to find a link for the I-card.

This one.

I made that video in September, and in it I talk about outlining a story and writing a manuscript. Things I had never done before.  It is surreal. I can see the doubt in my eyes and hear the fear in my voice, and it makes me laugh,  because I accomplished both. All the anxiety I put myself through was for nothing because I did it!

Then there is this video.

This is the first video I made, and I talked about all the what ifs and why I was scared to start a youtube channel. Again it’s funny. I remember working so hard on that video. I thought no one would watch it because I wasn’t interesting enough. And yet people do watch my videos. People who aren’t my mom. (Hi Mom)

5 months later I can say:

I got on to YouTube. My channel is growing. It looks like this month is going to be doubling the highest achievements I had before.

I outlined a story. I wrote a manuscript. I started a blog, and I’m sharing my writing with people. While I work to promote and push people to stalk me on YouTube. People have found me here, and that is touching. I know my posts aren’t profession (Yet. I am working to improve them) But there are people who like it and me enough to follow me.
I’ve meet so many incredible and inspiring people. One of whom is Cariad Eccleston, a fellow writer, whose blog I follow.  She wrote this post (Coding, Creative Writing, and Editors).  I found this part to be very helpful

We kept writing the same junior-level code over and over again. There wasn’t a time set aside for someone with more knowledge than us to review our code and give us the benefit of their experience.

There are so many conversations back then that would’ve been immensely valuable to me, like:

• “Here’s an edge case you haven’t considered…”
• “If you write the function like this instead then you can write automated tests…”
• “You can refactor these three functions into one…”

But without anyone to tell me these things, I didn’t have any fuel to improve.

I know now that I can make a video and write a manuscript because I try it and accomplished it.  That doesn’t mean there weren’t bumps, and detours. It means I got to the finish line.

Everything I accomplished is now behind me, and I am at a new stage. I have new goals, and they are scary.

I have to rewrite my manuscript so I can give it to people. In my mind I imagine all these terrifying scenarios. They aren’t that different from the horrible things I imagined back in September before I took that step outside of my comfort zone.

However none of the bad things happened. There were times that were challenging, but nothing compared to what I imagined. In fact only good things have occurred.  I’ve meet incredible YouTubers and writers who are supportive, encouraging, and incredible people.  I’m accomplishing things I’ve only dreamed of, and I’m having a blast doing it.

The fear I had hasn’t gone away, and sadly it probably never will. Each new thing I try, is going to be scary. Then when I accomplish it, with hindsight I will see that in the end, it was nothing to be afraid of.

I keep thinking if I share my story that the people will say horrible thing.

But just maybe…..

Maybe they will be excited to help. Maybe by having a different perspective, I can make it better. Maybe they will love it! Maybe it will add to my fuel to improve!

Don’t let the fear of what could happen, make nothing happen.

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