The satchel.

As everyone helpfully pointed out, there are a lot of annoying things in this picture.

But the satchel-wearing herb is the most annoying of them all. Its 1AM and he’s drinking a beer in a loud bar environment that is not conducive to bringing textbooks and studying for an art history exam. Why does he need to wear that stupid satchel? Did mommy pack a midnight snack for him? Every time one of these dorks turns around the satchel knocks over a drink or hits some short girl in the face. Tres gay.

The worst offenders are the guys who wear bulging backpacks filled with, no doubt, threadless.com t-shirts. They occupy enough personal space for two people.

Contest winners are mm, rina and finefantastic. Please claim your winning prize to perform a free naked pole dance in my bedroom before the end of month. Preferably together. Windex will be supplied.