Me: [while helping him set up a new TV I belch loudly] BEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLCCCCCHHHH.
Zeets: Was that a neg? [imitating me approaching some girls] Hi, I’m… BEEEELLLLCHHH… haha hey girls that was a neg! You like me now!

Zeets on long distance cockblocking:

Me: So there’s this girl who lives in another country who loves me. She told me a guy hit on her last night and she turned him down by telling him she had an internet lover.
Zeets: Wow, that guy must’ve felt like shit. Cockblocked from afar!
Me: Yeah, it’s one thing to get cockblocked by another guy in the bar, but to get cockblocked by an internet dude… humiliation!
Zeets: A girl who rejects someone by saying “No, I’m in love with a guy on the internet” is a lot worse than “I have a boyfriend.”
Me: It’s like saying “Your physical presence can’t even compete with an IM”.

Zeets on blogging:

Zeets: Everyone’s got their little blog now. Get up at 1 in the afternoon, trundle to the store to buy organic hipster meuslix, come back and blog about it. [makes exaggerated typing motion with his hands] Blog, blog, blog. Blogging piglets!

Zeets on the consumer culture:

Zeets: Help me carry out this TV. [we were leaving Best Buy with his new 1,000 inch LCD TV purchase]
Me: This is gaudy. You’re rolling out with the biggest package in the place.
Zeets: Notice how all eyes are turned towards me. The women are aroused by my display of materialism. [looks over at a middle-aged woman and winks] A big purchase will make you feel like a man and boost your testosterone major.

Zeets on herbs:

“I WANT TO CRUSH THEM ALL.”