Her: I love Indian culture. The dancing, the colorful dresses, the religion…

Me: You love Bollywood? There’s no accounting for taste.

Her: [getting seriously agitated] Shut up! The Indian culture is beautiful.

Me: Hey, there’s an Indian guy who lives down the street. Go knock yourself out. You can get some of his culture long and hard.

Her: You’re an ignorant American. A child. What do you know.

Me: I know you’re being annoying.

Later — pussy dripping sex.

Asshole game with bartender chick

Me: [looking at her new hairstyle with a grimace] What did you do to your hair!?

Her: I got bangs! Jesus, fuck you.

Me: It doesn’t work for me.

Three months later — pussy dripping sex. And free drinks.

Asshole game with heavily tattooed chick in indie club

Me: Hi.

Her: [sighing] Just to let you know up front, I’m not interested.

Me: So you’re not going to introduce me to your cute friend?

Later — no sex, but pride as a man.

Asshole game with girl trying to break up with me in Starbucks

Her: I really think this isn’t going to work. I don’t want to do this anymore. Look at us.

Me: [slouching for maximum aloofness effect] I can read your face. You’re a bad liar. But if this is what you want then go ahead. I gotta admit you’re not easy to be in a relationship with. You’re a fucking pain in the ass.

Her: What’s that supposed to mean?!?

Later — six more months of pussy dripping sex.

***

Note: Never smile when running asshole game. It’ll look like you’re backpedaling.