Most over-25 women aren’t virginal and their poosies aren’t exactly garden fresh. I have no interest in sticking my nose in a sewer and contracting mouth cancer.

But try telling a girl that (ID FATALITY).

And yet, I’ve noticed more girls demanding mouthlove, especially reciprocated mouthlove. Sex often inaugurates with the girl slobbing my knob, but now it’s been transactionalized by anti-romantic battlecunts who have been inculcated by Femcunt Inc to view any unreciprocated action — no matter the context or the mood lighting — as a slight against grrldom by the oppressive white male hateriarchy.

In fact, some of these chicks will push my head downward toward their steampipes as I’m dropping mad kisses on the non-smelly parts of their bodies, and I’ll RESIST, which only makes them push harder on my head. Wouldn’t that qualify as sexual assault under the terms created from thin air by the BELIEVE WAHMEN cuntsortium?

So here’s what you should say if a girl expresses in so many words that she wants you to lick her cancerclit:

MY TONGUE, MY CHOICE: I don’t do that.

GIRL: Why? Are you selfish or something?

MY TONGUE, MY CHOICE: I only offer those services to girls I’ve been dating a long time. It’s very intimate.

GIRL: We’ve been dating a while.

MY TONGUE, MY CHOICE: Not long enough. I’ll let you know when.

I never let her know when, because a girl who’s indignant that her poosy be viewed like a tootsie roll pop (how many licks to get to the G spot?) is a girl who

1. has been scoured by a squadron of stiff ones and can only get off now with extraordinary efforts on the part of the man and
2. is a strident bitch who won’t ever show generosity of spirit or snatch without a rider attached to it

Ladies, if you want the licky licky, avoid the sticky pricky. Virgins are ravaged because they haven’t been ravaged. Get the picture?