• Let us all take a moment of silence to remember the many socks lost in the past and the fucking dryers that stole them.
• The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one
• Ha! Major typo on page 28 of the new iTunes agreement. Anyone else catch that?
• People who clap at the end of movies also join in singing “Happy Birthday” at a restaurant for a stranger
• You’ll never understand unconditional love until the birth of a child. Or hear the beep of a microwave with your food.
• I just went into a Yahoo chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
• “Oh holy shit, what the hell is this!” -people who request songs on the radio discovering the internet for the first time
• I was just told I’m someones BFF. Being the idiot I am, I had to google it. Backup-file Format is a euphemism for something hot right?
• Are you all just gonna keep ignoring how fucked up knees look when a person is standing?
• Sometimes therapy is as simple as nodding to the dude next to you stuck in traffic. I feel you brother.

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