Growing numbers of video game developers are convinced the entire industry
exists because of barbaric impulses, it has emerged.

An angry group of game developers convened outside Tobacco Dock insisted that their chart-topping success was completely due to violence.

Programmer George Smith, who first joined the industry after he was expelled from school for aggressive behaviour, said:

“If it wasn’t for my anger management problems, I never would have gained employment at Golgisoft. Now I’ve made millions in profit from an ambient walking simulator. Take that, Ms. Jones.”

Digital artist Faye Wilson agreed: “I can personally guarantee you all the classics like Pong, Mario Bros. and Space Invaders were designed by hot-tempered cockwombles.

“I am sick of sensationalist media painting video games as the villain. The only reason video games exist is because of sociopaths like me.”

But John Brookes of the Department for Research said scientific investigations had not yet been able to establish any conclusive link:

“The data tells us individuals with hostile tendencies who develop video games may just be aggro 24/7. Technically, they could pour that energy into throwing darts or hunting wildlife, as was custom before the invention of games. More research is required.”

Written in the style of The Daily Mash.