On a whim I called up a guy from GCN on Saturday and ended up talking to him for about five hours. Talked to him again today for about an hour and a half.

I hope he doesn’t read this.

I really like him. Don’t think I’ve ever connected as deeply with someone in such a short amount of time as I already have with him. We’ve been messaging back and forth for about two weeks now and I’m trying not to read too much into this, because we just met; but I’ve never looked forward to talking to someone as much as I look forward to talking to him now. I’m starting to understand now what’s so intoxicating about wanting to be with someone. It’s a nice feeling waking up with a big grin and thinking about someone.

Was practically giddy on Friday when we set a call date; anticipating actually hearing his voice and being able to interact. He lives kind of far away, but I still really like him and have told him so. He’s said the same to me. We share a lot of the same values, and seem to want the same things out of a relationship from what I can tell.

What scares me is that I’ve never been in any sort of relationship, and that’s what I want right now; so I fear that my expectations may be a little high, even though I’m practically forcing myself to not have any.

That, and I’m essentially fresh out of the closet here. It hasn’t even been a year, and I want to think I’ve found the man of my dreams. He isn’t perfect, but he’s an amazing guy at the same time. It’s just so hard finding a “normal” homosexual guy (i.e., who isn’t a flaming queen) when they’re so rare, or at least hard to find. But who knows who I’ll meet in the next year.

Don’t want to miss out on this if there’s even a chance with this guy though.

And I don’t even want to look at pornography now! That’s a first in a long time. I mean, I want to, but I don’t need to—not when I have an awesome guy who thinks I’m hot and who I think is equally as smokin’ sexy.

If this is what being homosexual is about, being crazy about a truly masculine guy who thinks the same of me, then this is okay.

And man, I could listen to him talk all afternoon/night. He has a little bit of a southern accent and it is so sexy. Thinking about him makes my chest ache in that one place and my stomach goes all weird.

This is just crazy.