<![CDATA[Out of Habit]]>This has been an amazing year for me.  A year in which I have transformed my body, with the help of gastric bypass surgery.  A year in which I have been lucky enough to have a fresh start.  To learn new habits (I’m talking about you grapefruit), a year in which I have gotten to play with fashion again (I love you thrift store).  I’ve gotten out of the habit of blogging.  Blogging has always been a place to connect with folks, to gain inspiration from your photography and  learn from your perspectives.  I miss it.  It was also a place where I could hide, hide from being fat.

I haven’t hidden the fact I had surgery in my real life.  If I could’ve kept being fat a secret, I would’ve kept the surgery secret, I suppose, but that’s one of the many things that suck about being fat – it’s all out there for folks to see.  It’s the first thing they see and sometimes, the only.  So I am out of habit of blogging but learning to break the habit of trying to hide.  I am ruminating on this here blog, this here journey and what I might like to say on the former about the latter.  So in the meantime, here is me.

I might should have written “Before” & “During” because it’s a process.  A lifelong process.

On the left you have one of the FEW fat photos of me.  At my heaviest I reached 302.  On the right you have a photo taken by a college friend who I went to see for the weekend in NYC.  Something I would never have, could never have done a year ago.

My little squirrel stomach is nervous as I prepare to “publish” this.  That photo on the left, a photo of me, is something I lived in fear of ever finding its way online.  But here I sit, dreaming of grapefruit and ruminating.   More choices, more life, more love and, maybe, more blogging to follow.

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