I apologize for the extremely long email during E3. I wrote this during
Nintendo’s conference. It is the story of Nintendo’s life, and its purpose
is to make sense of Nintendo’s madness. Please read it! I hope you’ll
enjoy it!

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PROLOGUE

Nintendo is a very nice kid. He is actually quite smart for a 7-year old.
He always plays cards games and a variety of other toys. But suddenly,
Nintendo’s parents decide to move to the US, and they take him with them.
The setting is the United States, in the 1980s.

CHAPTER 1

Nintendo is quickly made fun of for being Asian. Milk spilled in his
lockers, gum
under his table… but it doesn’t bother him. Nintendo continues to play his
little games, and refuses to listen to what everyone else tell him. He is
having a lot of fun, after all.
His mom even bought him a toy robot he can play with!

Nintendo, doing what always worked for him in his hometown in Japan,
manages to have fun in his new home.

CHAPTER 2

A new kid arrives shortly after Nintendo settles.

The new kid is called Sega.. and he’s not very well-mannered. Sega would
spit at Nintendo, hit him a little bit, and so on. Nintendo didn’t have a
lot of fun playing with Sega. He could have had much more fun if he
continued to play alone. He continues to play with Sega, however! He
wanted to hit Sega back. He’s a CHILD, after all.

The two kids were now hitting each other a lot. They were still playing,
and Nintendo still had fun, but not as much as before.

CHAPTER 3

It’s just one after another: this time, another kid approaches Nintendo.
This one however is from a completely different class… a completely
different school! His name is Sony.

Sony’s school wasn’t about fun, but studying. And Sony wanted to have
better grades than Microsoft, his friend. He thought having fun with
Nintendo could improve his chances. And he proposes to play ALONGSIDE
Nintendo in his games, rather than against him like Sega. There’s just no
way this can go wrong! Or so Nintendo thought…

Mere minutes before their first time playing together against Sega,
Nintendo realizes his folly: by their current agreement, Nintendo won’t be
having any fun during their game. Sony was using Nintendo to have fun by
himself. Nintendo calls it off.

Sony, still dreaming of beating Microsoft, decides he will play against
Nintendo and Sega in a 3-way.

As expected, Sony was having a lot more fun than Nintendo and Sega. But
Nintendo, instead of going to play by himself again, remembers how Sony
tricked him, gets angry, and decides to do with Sony what he did with
Sega: play his own game. He’s a CHILD, after all.

CHAPTER 4

As Sony’s mood got better, his grades rose too, and Microsoft decided to
join to save himself. Meanwhile, Sega dropped off the group. He didn’t
have fun.
Nintendo struggles. He’s not having a lot of fun.

CHAPTER 5

Nintendo begins to realize that he shouldn’t have joined Sony just because
he was angry. At the same time… he stumbles upon a book.

It’s a very convincing-sounding book with a lot of pictures and colors
about how to have fun.
Nintendo, being a kid, is easily manipulated by the promising book. The
book recommends playing alone, and focusing on how to have fun, rather
than how to beat your rivals. Nintendo complies.

Nintendo has a lot of fun.

CHAPTER 6

However, Nintendo very quickly becomes disinterested in the book. As
quickly as he got interested in the first place. It’s childish, but he’s a
CHILD, after all. Besides, it is very hard for a CHILD to continue to have
fun alone. He looks at Sony with envy (even though Sony isn’t having a lot
of fun).

Meanwhile, a different kid is seen approaching the book. The book is
actually his, and he lost it. His name is Malstrom. Malstrom takes his
book back and disappears. Nintendo will never see the book again. But he
doesn’t want it anymore anyway.

Nintendo rejoins Sony and Microsoft, who are still duking it out together,
not having a lot of fun, and their grades only dropping. He doesn’t have a
lot of fun, but enjoys the security of playing against other people.

THE END

Nintendo grows up, drops out of high school, and will collect garbage for
the rest of his life.

——————-
THE LESSON: all you need to do to make sense of Nintendo, is to think of
them as a 7-year old kid. Then, their behavior suddenly makes a lot of
sense. So much so, that you begin to wonder if they really aren’t a bunch
of 7-year olds at Nintendo.

That’s all. Thanks.

Another satisfied customer…