1. Helvetica. The international font of modern. Use it everywhere. Use it often.
2. Packaging should include white, the traditional foil, and pink. Not any pink, but acid Barbie doll porno pink. The kind of pink that makes your eyeballs wiggle a little when you look at it.
3. Much like dropping cherry bombs in the toilet or stealing a large diamond from a pedestal in an art gallery, you need to create a diversion. Fool me somehow. If my mind is left to focus on the fact that I’m eating chocolate, I might get fat. Confuse and befuddle me and it’s possible my metabolism will be right behind.

I give you Exhibit A:

Here’s the Chocolate Scrabble bar from New York design team Mary & Matt. Clearly demonstrating all three hallmarks of choco-cool, the best of all is the Scrabble-game diversion. You’ll be so busy thinking up “qu” words that you won’t have time to count calories. Unfortunately, it’s not available on their website as of right now. Either it sold out, or Hasbro (á la Facebook’s Scrabulous) is trying to sue their asses off for daring to tread upon the sanctity of Scrabble™®© without their express permission. It’s a game, not the Qur’an, let’s try and keep that in mind. Also keep in mind the proper and legal trade-marking, registered trade-marking, and copyright I have assigned to the Scrabble™®© name, should anyone from Hasbro see this and have the urge to run me into the poorhouse.

And now, Exhibit B:

Fat Pig Chocolate, created by New York creativos Brooklyn Brothers, features all the hallmarks of cool candy. You’ve got your vagina-pink foil and nifty branding in Helvetica. But, in a surprise twist, rather than divert you from the fact that you’re eating candy, they’ve called a spade a spade. Eat up fatty!