Obviously Spoiler Warning: Downton Abbey, Episode One. Return after you’ve seen it if you don’t want any plot points to be given away.

Because who doesn’t want to see Maggie Smith play Dowager Lady Crawley?

9.20: [Dowager Lady and Lady plotting to save money and estate] M: Granny is manipulative and awesome. A: Yeah, it would be a little frightening to be on her side — but it would be frightening to be on the side that wasn’t her!

9.21: [Daisy mooning over sulky footman] M: Daisy is going to end up in the family way… A: And not quite understand how it happened. H: Does she only have one dress? M: Yeah. She’s so going to end up pregnant.

9.22: [lawyer and Lord discussing new heir] Oh god, not Manchester! A: The midlands! “There are worse professions.” “…..Yes.” M: Oh — snap!

. . .

9.57: [Duke: “You might tell that footman I’ve gone up.”] H: Well, you’re not the game there, honey! M: God, how did women survive this time? H: Vibrators. A: I don’t know if vibrators would solve their financial problems…

9.58: [Thomas kneels in front of Duke] Moment of stunned silence. A: This is like slash that gives you the ‘no feeling.’ M: …this is still a little hot. This is like Upstairs, Downstairs with a gay twist! H: They’re…quite sweet? M: Oh — not sweet. H: Nope, not sweet. [as threats pass between footman, Duke] M: Oh, wait — I feel some angry sex coming on…maybe not…maybe…awwww…no slashiness. A: Well, he was being a bit of a bastard. H: Yeah…Maurice without the nice ending. M: Wow… [as footman tries to master his emotions.] H: Yeah…kind of touching.

Read the rest over at …fly over me, evil angel… and watch for the second installment next Monday.