Newspaper El País has parodied an imaginary day in the life of José Mourinho.  It’s quite amusing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the events posted about actually occurred…

Highlights:

– good morning.  Today, I woke up feeling like the best coach in the world.  It’s strange, I hadn’t thought that for two days.

– breakfast with Tami and the kids.  I’ve planned for them a dietary plan where they can only consume 433 calories.  José Jr. gets out of control and takes in 441.

– watching videos of myself.  Sometimes, I am just so amazed by how well I speak.  http://cort.as/08gg

– my bodyguard is sick.  So, today I’ll have to spend the whole day at home because I don’t want some crazy person to keep me from my destination.

– it appears that Spanish football is rigged.  I would do anything to win, but I have too much class to do these types of things.  http://cort.as/08hO

– speaking on the phone with Kaká.  How sensitive is this boy: he says he’s not going to cry over his injuries and he feels hurt.  Soft!

– all the players are crazy about me.  Normal.  But I prefer that they fear me more than they love me.

– this boy writes pretty well.  He plays that secondary sport… what’s it called… basketball?  http://cort.as/0-kt

– I’m humble.  I will admit there there’s a possibility that I won’t win the World Cup when I coach Portugal: when God calls me to his side to take charge of something up there.

– poor Ibra.  Look at him, having to play for a team like Barça…  http://cort.as/08jT

– I might have been wrong in saying that it would be a failure if we don’t win two titles.  I should have said three.

– I have a lot of desire to see this kid’s face again.  And to beat him again.

– preparing quotes for the future: “Madrid is the best team in the world.  The strange thing is that I didn’t coach them until now.”  Does that sound too arrogant?  I hate YouTube.

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Can you imagine what other days in the life of… would be like?  Here’s how I imagine some of them would start.

Kaká: wake up, reach for the Bible, and start reading.

Cristiano: wake up, slide out of bed (the silk sheets feel so good), walk up to the mirror and look at myself.  Is it too early to call Kaká?

Sergio: wake up excited, because I get to wear my new orange pants with my new Louis Vuitton bag and Gucci belt!  Estoy súper contento, ¿no?

Iker: wake up, get out of bed, trip over Sara’s ugly shoes and my man bag, which are on the floor where we left them last night.  Decide not to shave, again.

Benzema/Drenthe/Özil: wake up, hop in the shower, start rapping.

Albiol/Arbeloa/Xabi: wake up, go check on the kid(s).  Think about what pose the four musketeers will do today for the twitter world.

Rafa: wake up, say a quick prayer that today won’t be the day that Madrid sells me, and stay in bed, because I am married to Sylvie van der Vaart.

Pipita/Garay: wake up, call Garay/Pipita.

Your thoughts?