Cristiano and Sara

Sara: Iker, what is he doing here?  And what are you doing in a restaurant with your goalkeeper’s kit on?

Iker: I’m trying to resolve the argument between the two of you, cari!  Since I’m such a cool guy, such a normal guy, captain of Real Madrid, captain of the two of us, I brought you here so that you can make up.

Cris: I don’t speak to snitches.

Sara: And I don’t speak with guys who have less hair than I do (in the sense that the hair is removed via waxing).

Iker: Come on… how about I leave the two of you alone for a bit.

Iker: Hello, I’m Iker, I’m like you, and you.  I’m Iker.  Hello, I’m Iker Casillas and I’m like you, well like you with millions.

Waiter: What would you like to eat?

Cris: A “carbonero” pizza.

Waiter: You mean “carbonara.”

Cris: No, carbonero.  It’s like the carbonara, but more difficult to swallow.  Take that!  1-0, Carbonero!

Sara: You score goals here because you can’t do it on the field.  1-1!!  Hahaha!!!  What’s wrong?  Another one of your anxiety attacks?

Cris: It’s not anxiety, stupid!  It’s that I’m allergic to cheap restaurants.

Waiter: Excuse me, the pizza is for sharing?

Cris: Sharing?  What is sharing?

Sara: Sharing is to enjoy something with everyone else.

Cris: Well, ok, then I also know what sharing is.  I’m going to share the pizza with myself.

Sara: I can’t take any more!  I’m going to the bathroom to check on my makeup.

Cris: Huh?  Hold on a second.  You have the same eye shadow compact as me!  Look!

Sara: It’s true!

Cris: How pretty!

Sara: Wow!  You have the mascara, how cool!

Cris: Do you want to try it?

Sara: You mean it?

Cris: Of course!

Sara: Of course I’d like to, Cristiano.

Cris: Do you want to meet up tomorrow to get our eyebrows waxed together?

Sara: Yes!  Can I call you Cris?

Cris: Of course!… Carbo!  Cris Carbo!  Now that we’re friends, can I give you a kiss like the one Iker gave you at the World Cup?

Iker: What a save!

Sergio and Guti

Sergio: Hey, another mine!  This game is so easy.  I found all the mines.  I’m the Bill Gates of Camas. And what’s this?  Gutiérrez is connected… that must be Turkish.

Guti: Weah!  What’s up paleto? (Paleto has the meaning of an unsophisticated person from the countryside).

Sergio: What’s up quillo?  (Quillo is a term from Andalucía which just means guy, dude, etc.)  How is everything going in Turkey?

Guti: Here, I’m a celebrity.  I’m the Belén Esteban of Istanbul.  Yo por Beşiktaş, ma-to. How is everything?  Has the present I sent you arrived yet?

Sergio: Of course, quillo.  It’s a very beautiful box.

Guti: No, you idiot.  The present is inside.

Sergio: You should have said so, Gutiérrez.  Wow, how exciting!  A Turkish telephone!  Hello… Gutiérrez… Guti, I can’t hear you!  There’s no signal!  Guti!

Guti: What are you doing, tontolaba?  (Tontolaba means a person who’s a bit stupid and naïve.)  It’s not a telephone, it’s a pipe (pipa in Spanish, you know, like Higuaín)!

Sergio: Ahhhh, a what?

Guti: A pipe, a hookah.

Sergio: Ahhhh.

Guti: You don’t know what that is either, do you?  (Sergio shakes head).  It’s a water pipe, a pipa, a pi pa, pi-pa-pi-pa, humo viene, humo va…  Ok kid, I have to go train now.

Sergio: Guti, Guti!  A pipe?  How do you smoke this?

Mourinho press conference (notice the water bottle throwing and gum chewing)

Reporter: Sr. Mourinho, I suppose that after this win, you’re feeling more relaxed?

Mou: I’m only going to answer questions that are in the script.  Let’s see, next question.  You.

Reporter, reading off chalkboard: Is it true that Mourinho is better looking than Guardiola?

Mou: You ask me such great questions.  Well, yes.  And in addition, I have much more hair.  Ok.  Next question.  You.

Reporter: Do you believe…

Mou: Silence!  Move your lips!

(Reporter): Sr. Mourinho, Sr. Mourinho, when will you stop being the world’s best coach?

Mou: I don’t like to answer these types of questions, as I’m quite… modest.

Reporter: This is an insult to our intelligence.

Mou: Don’t think so highly of yourselves.  Next question.  You, the handsome one.

Reporter Mou: How do you manage to be so attractive and charismatic at the same time?

Mou: Finally, an intelligent question.

Reporter: Enough!  It’s easy to be arrogant since you just won, but several weeks ago, there were a lot of doubts.

Mou: The doubts make me laugh.  Look.  Well, it’s not working now because I’m chewing gum.  (Laughs).  Now I’m laughing.