Mou: I had told the president that we were going to win today in his stadium.

“Memut”: I didn’t know that the stadium of Hércules belonged to President Florentino.

Mou: Isn’t it clear, Memut?  It’s the stadium of Rico Pérez!  (Hércules’ stadium is called the (José) Rico Pérez, but “rico Pérez” also means “rich Pérez” as in rich Florentino Pérez).

Everyone: Hahaha!

Mou: In addition to being the best coach in the world, I’m also the best comedian in the world.

Memut: But today’s game was difficult, míster!  We had to make a comeback from one goal down.

Mou: It was to make things exciting!  If we always win 6-1, it’ll be very boring, Özil!  All right everyone, go change, it’s time to go to Milan and beat that group of retirees!  Let’s go!  Come on!

(music starts playing)

Memut: Míster!  I hear music!

Mou: It’s true.  Where’s it coming from?

(the “scan mode” of Özil recognizes José Mourinho, and then detects an object with an unknown source of sound.)

Memut: It’s coming from here.

Guti: Weah!  What’s up, paletos?

Mou: But where did you come from?

Guti: From where else?  The Guti cave.

Mou: The Guti what?

Guti: The Guti cave.  It’s like the Batcave.  I put a locker in the locker room of Beşiktaş and I can come out in any locker in Spain, freshly showered and nicely dressed.  Do you love it, or don’t you love it?

Mou: But why have you come?

Guti: To celebrate!

Memut: Ahh, of course, to celebrate the victory of Real Madrid!

Guti: Hahaha!!!  What are you saying, membrillo?  To celebrate that tomorrow yours truly turns 34!  Weah!

Memut: (in German) One, two, three, four…

Guti: What are you doing, nene??

Memut: I’m half Turkish, you live in Turkey… in Turkey, there is the tradition that when someone celebrates a birthday, you pull on their ear.

Guti: Do you want me to pull on something else, or what?  Anyway, listen, I invite you all to have a few drinks, who’s in?

Memut: I like parties!

Guti: Well that’s obvious, what eyes you have!  How do you turn them like that?  Weah!  How great is that?  Well, today we’re going to have fun.  And there’s even the change in time tonight, which means we have one more hour to move our skeletons!  Pim pam, pim pam… femur viene, femur va… Let’s go!

Mou: But Memut, where are you going?

Memut: To the party! Torre rosa, shots…  Olé, olé!

Guti: I’m leaving.  Batman…

Mou: Wait!!