One. Only Xabi Alonso – only Xabi Alonso – would turn up carrying a book.  And a thick one at that.  Just when you thought he couldn’t possibly be more perfect…

Two. Cristiano’s hat is kind of silly.

Three. Raúl Albiol dresses like a teenager.  Notice the similarities in his outfit and in that of 18-year-old Álvaro Morata?  But MFC can pull it off, because he’s young.

Four. Why is the bus always parked on a slope?  It always looks like the players struggle a bit to get to the door.

Five. Iker really loves those yellow Zig shoes, no?  And does he even bother talking to anyone anymore, or is his mobile permanently attached to his ear?  If his teammates want to talk to him, do they have a better chance of success if they call his mobile, rather than directly approach him?

Six. Simple is always best, as Mesut, Karim and Esteban show where.  And one great accessory can make the outfit, as Marcelo shows.  Check out his bright pink watch!