<![CDATA[este año he sido un futbolista muy, muy bueno]]>Not a lot of Madrid in this week’s Crackòvia, since the team played on Monday, the same day that this program airs (although the character of Piqué did manage to make a reference to “enlightened persons” as Mou had on Sunday.  But we did get this cute little skit featuring Cristiano writing to the Three Kings (Iniesta had earlier asked for the Ballon d’Or, and to be tanner).

Balthasar: Look, Cristiano’s letter!  Let’s see what he asked for…

Cristiano: Dear Three Kings… Melchior, Caspar and… what is the name of the king that looks like Lass Diarra?  Balta… Balta… Balthasar!  Balthasar.

I write you all this letter to tell you that this year, I have been a very, very good footballer.  Much better than that ugly Messi.  Take that, Pulga!

That’s why I ask you for a Ferrari with 2,500 horsepower… no, I already have three in the garage.

A 50,000 square meter mansion in La Moraleja… no.

A helicopter… no, a jet aircraft would be better.

What a dilemma… I already have everything!  Having so much money is such a drama!

Now I know what I want!  I want you to bring me the Ballon d’Or won this year by that idiot from Barça.  And I also want to be the champion of the Copa, Liga and Champions (clap, clap).  And I also want the Pichichi trophy!  And the Zamora trophy!  I want everything!

Balthasar: Everything, everything and everything.

Cristiano: Who are you?

Balthasar: I am Balthasar.

Cristiano: Who?

Balthasar: The king who looks like Lass Diarra.

Cristiano: Ahhh, and did you bring me everything I asked you for in the letter?

Balthasar: Everything, and everything.

Cristiano: Yay!  That means that I won the Ballon d’Or!

But isn’t this package too small to fit a Liga, a Champions and all that?

Balthasar: Well, I didn’t bring you the trophies, I brought you a magic object with which you can achieve up to six titles in one season.

Cristiano: Really?  What is it?  A magic wand?

Balthasar: No, open it.

Cristiano: What is this?  I asked you for trophies and you brought me this?

Balthasar: It appears that you didn’t understand me Cristiano.  You won’t win any titles until you put on this shirt.

Cristiano: You’re not a king, you’re nothing!  You’re an imposter!  You didn’t come from the Orient!  The kings would never bring me a Barça shirt.

Balthasar: What do you mean?  This year, the kings came precisely from the Orient… they came from Qatar.  [Love it!]

]]>