of the subconsciousness (so-called mind-set) was, when I gave up any relation with woman.
It was triggered by two factors appeared on 1987. One was the first report of incurable new disease AIDS
(it didn’t have even a name then) = sexual relation is no longer safe.
And the other was the start of a trouble with a woman who exploited my VISA status by a false registration
of the marriage done in Japan, in order to get new passport and obtained the VISA masqueraded as my wife.
(It took 11 hearing in the High Court to make the Judge to realize it really happened without my knowledge.
—– Japanese Registrar had no way to know whether my signature was genuine or not and the name seal
was mine or false one, woman bought in the stationery shop, which she confessed and astonished the Judge)
(Yet still The Judge who didn’t even know the difference of [Void and Voidable Marriage] made
this to a valid marriage, hence it was brought up to the Court of Appeal)
= I really utterly fed up “Woman is nothing but a trouble” (in addition to this Judiciary is utterly rotten) 😀
(Funny story is, I was told that the trouble with woman will happen, by my mother as she read
my palm when I was 10 years old —– for me, it sounds just an unscientific mambo-jumbo then)
[]
It caused me not only a deep psychological trauma but the situation itself made any relation impossible.
In order to fight over the validity of the marriage in the High Court and the Court of Appeal, it completely
consumed my time, finance and energy. All of my friends were even amazed, how I could manage without
braking down. ( Still, it was not as heavy as mountain climbing as there may not be a danger of death.
After all, proceedings is the research of precedence and compiling documents = clerical work = Just do it )
—-whether it was my choice or not, I had to follow the situation and
think “I’m not in a position even to think about woman” = it was not a relative matter, but absolute
imperative = (this is so-called Mindfulness) — as this psyche sunk deep down to my subconscious,
the notion of woman has disappeared and it became a distant land scape.
(Still, they are visually pretty land scape though,
they no longer appeal to my mind / in a sexual context —– then I realized
“Aha, this is the very eyes of so-called Medical Detachment of a Gynecologist” 😀 )
[]
So that, when I was a regular in the Fridge Club, Brixton London (Escape from Samsara), every weekend
for nearly 6 years, I was just dancing there without mixing with cloud.
Many people mistook me as a special security or under-cover policeman even the owner of the club,
because I don’t take alcohol neither drug, never talk with girls (except the bar staff) still always there.
In reality, seeing hundreds of half-naked girls shaking their bottom every week, made me even more
insensitive, if not utterly nauseating.
I was there not just for dancing, but like a zoological researcher to observe male-female behavior.
[]
As a matter of fact, I myself had amazed by this change of psyche.
Since, even the most fundamental instinct could disappear just with a mind-set, it convinced me
that all the fancy stories in the martial art, sword mastery must be true = they really
able to overcome the fear of the death, hence able to come closer to hair-line distance to the enemy’s sword.
—– Liberate the mind from the fear, hence able to obtain the ultimate freedom of the movements.
Then all the Zen stories, has started fallen into the places, like the pieces of Jigsaw Puzzle,
and it started to show whole picture of what the Zen is.
Zen is not an ideological / religious mambo-jumbo but a very logical / rational mind engineering.
—– As even the most fundamental instinct / sexual desire could be annihilated, why not any another desire or
the mind. What is the point to be imprisoned by such desire or being obsessed and become greedy.
We can make ourselves free from any mind, idea or the situation, and able to choose what ever
better to do. This freedom is the Enlightenment.
(But remember, don’t chose chocolate and junk food 😀 )
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